How to Make Him Want a Relationship after Being His FWB
Stuck as a friend with benefits and feel like you've had enough? Here's how you can turn the tables in your favor and make him want to get serious.
The friends with benefits arrangement is usually a mutually beneficial scenario for both parties that entails no-strings-attached sex, and a stress-free way to enjoy the company of the opposite sex. However, when one of you is secretly dying inside because you want more than just sex, and the other person is totally fine with the way things are, it no longer seems like the most favorable situation.
Instead, you might feel stuck and unable to look for love elsewhere because you're so wrapped up in him. You may simultaneously feel equally incapable of letting go of this unhealthy one-way street. The good news is, there are a few tactics that can help wake him up and get him to think of you as girlfriend material. If you make the right moves, and refrain from sabotaging your chances with him, you could be on your way to the relationship you have been secretly yearning for.
How to go from friends with benefits to committed partners
The following tips will put you a step ahead of the game, and have him thinking he was in love with you all this time and just didn't know it yet.
#1 Check the signs. The first thing you need to figure out is if he's into you in any way, or if he's just mixing sweat with a new girl every night? You want to make sure he likes you on some other level.
He may even be wanting the same thing as you, but he's unsure whether or not you are a) too promiscuous, b) not into him like that, c) sex-crazed and he was the first thing to come along, or d) using him to get over someone or make someone else jealous. When a guy is into his friend with benefits for more than just the benefits, he will show it in a variety of ways.
If he introduces you to a few of his friends, voluntarily tells you he's not seeing anyone else, spends time with you before or after sex, and never talks about other girls, this is a good indicator. It's a bonus if he puts you in a future tense plan, such as suggesting to take you somewhere in the distant future.
While not all of these cues mean he definitely wants a relationship with you, they can signal that he thinks of you as more than just a sex partner. He may just be going with the flow to see how things grow between the two of you before asking you out.
#2 Go MIA at the right time. Shake him up a little bit here and there, and just fall off the map for a bit. You can achieve this by responding to one of his messages the day after it was sent. This tactic makes it look like you are obviously preoccupied with something else that isn't him.
In his mind, you could be sleeping with someone else, getting back with an ex-boyfriend, or met someone new whom you want to date. All of the above could scare him into getting closer to you, for fear of losing your attention to another guy.
#3 Don't be too available. Being too available makes you look easy. Being a friends with benefits already puts you at a slight disadvantage of being seen as promiscuous anyway, but always being available makes you look like a sex toy that keeps coming back for more. That's not what you're going for here if you want him as a future boyfriend.
#4 Have your fair share of meaningful conversations. Having conversations that don't revolve around sex are a good way of letting a guy know who you really are, apart from how you are in bed. Having a deep conversation or talking about life can help the two of you bond on a deeper level, and it will help keep the relationship from being just about sex.
#5 Reveal your true colors. Show him that you are a good person, and you have standards. Never let him think that you're desperate or insecure, or that you need sex to fulfill some kind of emotional void. Instead, show him that you are a caring person, but also an independent woman with sexual needs, who isn't afraid to get what she wants. This will make you look in control.
#6 Subtly hint at your wifey side. Don't start offering to do his laundry, or preparing him a five-course meal when he says he's coming over for a quickie. Drop hints like “oh yeah, I forgot to call, I was just making lasagna,” or tell him you're in the middle of cleaning, and have to call him back.
This will show him that you have a traditional wifey side that he doesn't have access to. If he knows that another guy got the full wifey treatment, but he can't, this will bring out his competitive streak. He will want to have the same treatment that your ex did.
#7 Be the best he's ever had. When it comes to the sex, remember that if he's going to want to keep having sex while in a relationship with you, you've got to be the best he's ever had, or at least come close. Get into it, show your full potential, don't be lazy, and put in effort to get what you want from it, too.
Also, make him put equal effort in pleasing you. If he has no concern for whether or not you get off as well, he's not worth being in a relationship with.
#8 Don't look like you're trying too hard. Never let him think you are trying too hard to please him, or that you care too much about what he thinks about you. The less you seem to care about him, the more he will want you to. Give off the impression that you don't need him, and he will be constantly trying to win your affection.
#9 Practice saying no to anything you're uncomfortable with. Don't feel forced to do anything that you find degrading or offensive. Oftentimes, a man will lose respect for you if you willingly do sexual things that are considered degrading, offensive, discriminatory, or forced without your consent.
Learn to firmly say no, and consider walking away if you feel disrespected in any way. You will earn much more respect by making it blatantly clear what you will and will not put up with.
#10 Don't make him think you're promiscuous. Never give him the impression that you are having sex with multiple guys, as he may label you as a whore, and your chances with him could go out the window. Instead, if he asks, let him know that you're only sleeping with him, but this doesn't mean there isn't someone else you may be crushing on. This could instill jealousy and make him fall for you.
#11 Always wear your confidence on your sleeve. Always. Guys can't help but fall in love with a confident woman, so never let him think you're insecure enough to put up with anything, just to make him stay.
#12 Be mysterious and unpredictable. Text him back at random times, like 9am the next day, or 3pm the following day. You want to look unpredictable. When he asks what you're up to, be vague enough to induce an emotional response from him. If you are sitting at home and he asks, “hey, are you home?” answer with, “not right now.”
A vague response looks incredibly mysterious. He'll spend more time thinking about where you could be and what you might be doing, instead of being out with his buddies, bragging about how good you are in bed. You want him to think about you as much as possible, and not just in a sexual way.
#13 Build a friendship. If you build a friendship with him where he feels he can let his guard down with you, it will form a great foundation for a relationship. You can joke and laugh, no strings attached, no fights, nagging, or scrutinizing his opinion. He will want a girlfriend like that by his side for the long haul.
#14 Show your uniqueness. He needs to think that you are a one-in-a-million kind of girl, and that he's so lucky that he actually has you around. If he feels like you are different from other women in any way, it will intrigue him, and he will want to win you over.
Getting your friend with benefits to become your boyfriend relies on how willing you are to play the game right and make him fall for you. Just make sure he's worth all this effort!
