15 Times 13 Reasons Why Took It Too Far
Unless you don't have access to the Internet, you've probably heard a lot about the new Netflix Original Series, “13 Reasons Why.” The show tells the story leading up to the tragic end of Hannah Baker's life. Before Hannah ended her life, she recorded thirteen tapes laying out the reasons why she took her life. The story that plays out includes cyberbullying and much, much more.
The show has been widely talked about for a variety of reasons. It has been praised for bravely taking on difficult topics and forcing a public conversation. The show is an honest, raw, and at times incredibly difficult to watch, depiction of just how awful high school can be. It doesn't shy away from portraying its characters as nuanced, complicated, flawed individuals. It's rare that a show about high school is so brutally real.
The show has also been heavily criticized for being too real. There's an intense scene of Hannah in the bathtub, that many viewers felt to be way too graphic. The scene does not pan away, it stays on her the whole time. The creators argue that these scenes are necessary to convey the impact of bullying and self-harm, but critics argue that the scenes do more harm than good. The on-screen depictions of these things could cause survivors to flash back to their own experiences, causing deep, emotional pain.
Regardless of whether you believe the scenes were necessary or gratuitous, everyone can agree that there are times when the show is painful to watch, and not just because of the scenes in question. Here are 15 times “13 Reasons Why” was not okay to watch.
15 When Justin lets Bryce text the picture of Hannah around the school
The show gets difficult to watch in the very first episode. When Hannah falls hard for the high school football star Justin, she sneaks out of the house to meet him at a playground. While she's sliding down the slide, he takes a picture which shows under her skirt. They kiss, but it doesn't go any further than that.
The next day at school, Justin shows all of his friends the picture, then Bryce, another football player, texts the picture around the school. Hannah becomes the target of brutal cyberbullying and rumors start about how promiscuous she is. Hannah is devastated by the rumors and her emotional well-being begins to suffer.
About half of all middle and high school students have experienced some form of cyberbullying. One in ten teens have had an embarrassing picture of them circulated without their permission. The impact of this can be horrendous. Children who have been cyberbullied experience overwhelming feelings of shame, embarrassment, anger, and hurt. These emotions can be intense, especially since teens' rational brains haven't fully developed. Watching Hannah get cyberbullied can bring up these emotions for those who have been cyberbullied.
14 When Alex makes the “Best/Worst” list
Episode 3 is Alex's tape, and we find out that he is the creator of a “hot list” which includes which girls have the best and worst physical assets. Hannah is on the list as “best a$s.” Alex's ex girlfriend is on the list as “worst a$s.” Alex made the list because Jessica wouldn't sleep with him and he wanted to make her jealous by getting her to think that he liked Hannah better than her. The unintended result is that Jessica ends her friendship with Hannah and Hannah starts to experience harassment at school.
Bryce, one of the high school's football stars grabs her butt in a convenience store, making reference to the list, confirming she has the best butt in school. Boys lewdly stare at her in the hallway, and make comments as she passes. Rumors about her promiscuity increase and Hannah's emotional state continues to decline.
For women who have been harassed and repeatedly objectified by men, Hannah's experience is all too real. Seeing it play out on screen is a reminder that their bodies are consumed by male gaze at all times, and their agency can be taken based on their attractiveness.
13 When Tyler takes a picture of Hannah and Courtney without their consent
Tyler is an awkward, unpopular AV club kid who is obsessed with taking photos. In fact, unbeknownst to others, he often takes creepy stalker photos of girls in his high school. In episode four, Tyler's tape, we find out that Tyler was taking pictures of Hannah from outside her bedroom.
One night, he snaps a picture of Hannah kissing a girl from her class, Courtney. Just like the picture Justin took up Hannah's skirt, the picture of her kissing Courtney is distributed around the school. Hannah is traumatized when she finds out that her privacy has been invaded and that a vulnerable, confusing moment, kissing Courtney, has been made public to her classmates.
Women who have been stalked or had their privacy invaded see their story played out on screen and are reminded of the violations they have felt in the past. Reliving this can be very painful.
12 When Clay takes a private picture of Tyler without his consent and sends it around the school
In the same episode, when Clay finds out that Tyler took the picture, Clay stands outside Tyler's window and snaps a picture of his own: Tyler naked. He then distributes the picture around the school, ruining Tyler's reputation and opening him up to brutal bullying.
At first, this seems like the perfect revenge for what he did to Hannah; fair and proportional. But this reaction misses the point entirely. Responding to bullying by bullying back just continues the cycle of pain. Violating someone because they violated you or someone else is not an appropriate or healthy response to being violated.
What Tyler did was sick and reprehensible, but it does not mean that he deserved to have the same thing happen to him. Framing his humiliation as a righteous act perpetuates the idea that bullying is okay, which is harmful to everyone.
11 When Courtney spreads a rumor to protect her identity
After the photo of Hannah and Courtney kissing is passed around the school, Courtney is terrified that everyone will find out about her being into girls. She has not yet confronted the fact that she's gay and she doesn't want anyone to know.
In an attempt to deflect the rumors from herself, Courtney starts the rumor that the picture is of Hannah kissing another girl in their class who is an out lesbian. Courtney also makes up details of the night Hannah spent with Justin and begins spreading rumors about that as well. The rumors increase Hannah's social exclusion at the school, leading her to loneliness and depression.
Studies have shown that rumors can have a huge impact on teens. They often lead to teens being ostracized from social groups, which causes them to experience anxiety and depression, causing them to withdraw even further from family and friends. People who have experienced this kind of social exclusion can identify with Hannah and may experience their feelings of exclusion over again.
10 When Marcus attacks Hannah in a restaurant
For Valentine's Day, one of the school clubs hands out a survey that will match students together for a Valentine's Day date. Hannah matches with Marcus, yet another of the football player crew. Despite her awful experiences with the football team boys so far, Hannah is flattered by the attention she gets from Marcus and agrees to go on a date with him.
He keeps her waiting in the restaurant for over an hour, and when he finally shows up, he's brought a group of football guys with him. He sits down next to Hannah instead of across from her and begins to apologize. As he does, his hand wanders up Hannah's skirt. She tries to push him away, but he persists, insisting that she wants it. She pushes him out of the seat and he stands yelling degrading things at her.
Almost every woman in the world has dealt with unwanted physical advances from a man. This scene is a painful reminder that men believe they can touch whatever they want whenever they want and that women don't have much protection from this happening to them.
9 When Zach emotionally destroys Hannah
Zach seems like the nicest of all the football players. After Marcus assaults Hannah, Zach sits down with her and keeps her company. Zach asks her out, and dumbly mentions Alex's “hot list.” Hannah freaks out and rejects him hard. In order to get back at her, Zach chooses emotional abuse.
One of their classes has a “compliment bag” for each student, which allows students to write anonymous notes saying nice things about each other. Since Hannah is already feeling depressed from everything going on in her life and at school, the compliment bag becomes very important to her. Zach starts stealing the notes out of her bag, leaving it empty. Hannah starts to feel even more lonely and depressed.
Abuse is not all physical. Tearing down someone's self-esteem can be even more harmful than physically injuring them. Zach's choice to systematically take apart Hannah's self-esteem is all too familiar for anyone who's been in an emotionally abuse family or relationship. Watching him willfully do this is really tough.
8 When everyone uses excessive amounts of substances at Jessica's party
Episode 9, Jessica's party, is where everything really falls apart. Jessica's parents are out of town, so, as all high schoolers do, she throws a house party. Everyone at the party is drinking excessively and lighting up. People at the party are getting really drunk, especially Jessica, who is stumbling around the party whooping and dancing.
While this seems like a typical scene of a high school party, even that can be triggering for teens and adults struggling with substances. Almost three quarters of high schoolers will drink and about half will use drugs before their senior year. There's no denying that kids party, but teens who drink and use drugs are more likely to develop a substance use disorder later in life. Glorifying teen drinking encourages teens to drink and use drugs.
For teens who are already struggling with substance abuse and are trying to recover, scenes like this are a reminder of what they are missing and can lead to a desire to drink and use again.
7 When Bryce goes after Jessica
One of the most difficult scenes in the series occurs at Jessica's party. Jessica is very drunk and she wanders in to her room with her boyfriend, Justin. Hannah, who was previously with Clay in Jessica's room, hides in the closet. Justin and Jessica begin to kiss and Justin tries to go further, but Jessica says she needs to sleep. She falls asleep and Justin stumbles out of the room.
In the hallway, Justin runs in to Bryce, who says he's going to have a little fun with Jessica. Justin tries to stop him, but ultimately lets him go in the room. Bryce then attacks Jessica while she's unconscious and Hannah is forced to watch the whole thing from the closet, fearing retribution if she makes her presence known.
The abuse is shown realistically, too realistically. Victims of assault probably shouldn't watch the scene as it could trigger flashbacks to their own memories. One in five women experiences this in her lifetime. Watching their own experiences depicted so realistically might be too much to bear.
6 Jeff and the car accident
Hannah rushes out of Jessica's party and runs in to her friend Sheri, who offers to give her a ride home. On their way, Sheri collides with a stop sign, knocking it down. Hannah insists that they need to report the accident, but Sheri refuses, scared that she'll get in trouble. Hannah runs down the street to find a phone and report the accident, but we find out she's too late. An accident has occurred at the intersection. We later find out that Clay's friend Jeff died in the accident.
The aftermath of the accident is shown. There's a car tipped over on its side and lots of blood. Bodies are carried out on stretchers. Clay is the first person on the scene and he's the one who finds Jeff's body. Jeff was a good guy throughout the series, so watching his death onscreen is painful in itself. For those who have lost a best friend suddenly, this scene can bring up overwhelming feelings of loss and grief.
5 When Jessica starts having flashbacks
As the series progresses, we find out that Jessica isn't really aware of what happened at her party. She has listened to Hannah's tapes, which describe what happened to her at the party, but she believes that Hannah is lying to get back at her for them not being friends anymore. The rest of the football crew has been lying to her since the party, including her boyfriend Jeff.
As Clay listens to the tapes, Jessica's behavior becomes more erratic. Then she begins to remember the assault, in brief flashes rather than distinct memories. She still doesn't quite believe what has happened to her, until Justin confronts Bryce about it in front of her. Once the details of the night are revealed to her, Jessica begins to have vivid flashbacks of the assault, and begins to fall apart.
Almost all women who have gone through this will experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, including flashbacks to the assault. These flashbacks are painful and re-traumatize the victim. Seeing Jessica struggle with her own flashbacks is a harsh reminder of the pain of PTSD for anyone who has experienced assault.
4 When Bryce goes after Hannah
After Hannah has a rough day, she goes on a long walk through her small town. She ends up around Bryce's house and realizes that he's having a party. She ignores her gut, telling her not to go, and walks in to the party. Later, she's in the hot tub with Jessica, Bryce, and some of the football guys, but they all get out, leaving her and Bryce in the hot tub together.
Bryce makes a move on her and she tries to resist, but Bryce pins her to the side of the hot tub and assaults her. The scene begins by showing the act, then stays on Hannah's face, numb and despondent as Bryce violates her.
The scene is one of the most uncomfortable and triggering things that have ever been shown on television. It is so authentic and raw that it feels like the viewer is experiencing the violation themselves. It is hard for anyone to watch, but for victims of assault, it's unbearable.
3 When Bryce says Hannah was asking for it
Once Clay listens to Bryce's tape and finds out he attacked her, Clay goes to Bryce's house and confronts him. He brings a tape recorder and attempts to get Bryce saying he assaulted Hannah on tape. Bryce beats him near senseless, but as he does, he admits that he slept with Hannah, but insists it was not assault because Hannah wanted it to happen. Despite the facts the viewers have been shown, Bryce genuinely believes that Hannah wanted it to happen.
This is a painful example of how some men completely disregard consent. Bryce believes that he has a right to sex and that women owe it to him. He believes that he is so awesome that all women want to have be with him, even if they say no. Unfortunately, these sentiments are not rare, and neither is blaming a victim for their own assault.
When women are assaulted, they are often asked what they were wearing or if they were drunk or if they'd been flirting with the man who assaulted them. This all implies that the woman was 'asking for it.' Women often do not report it out of fear that they will be blamed or not believed. Seeing Bryce so blatantly deny the facts and insist that Hannah “wanted it” is an excruciating for women who know that if they are assaulted they may be accused of the same.
2 When Mr. Porter was the least helpful guidance counselor ever
After Bryce assaults Hannah, she becomes despondent and severely depressed. She is already considering taking her own life, but she decides to reach out for help. She goes to the school guidance counselor. She explains what happened to her and he responds in the worst way possible. First, he is clearly uncomfortable discussing the topic. Second, he tells Hannah that if she is unwilling to report the assault then she just needs to move on with her life. It's perhaps the most insensitive thing that could be said to a survivor reaching out for help.
Women who have been attacked are often told they need to get over it, continue to live their lives. They are told that they will feel better if they can just put it behind them. The truth, is that it stays with them forever. It irrevocably changes their life. There is no “getting over it.” Healing is certainly possible, but it requires the help of compassionate professional and a robust support system, none of which Hannah had.
For women who have had similar experiences of being told to move on from their situation, seeing Mr. Porter's reaction brings back all the negative reactions they've received when reaching out for support. For those who haven't dealt with their trauma, Mr. Porter's reaction creates the fear that others will react in kind if they report an anything in the future. It's awful to watch Hannah's experiences be trivialized.
1 When Hannah ends it all
In the last episode, Hannah's suicide is actually shown. The camera does not pan away and the scene does not change until her death. It shows her grabbing the razor. It shows her getting in to the tub. It shows her cutting her own wrists, and all the blood running in to the water. The scene is gruesome.
For anyone, this scene would be uncomfortable and overwhelming, but for people who have struggled with self-harm, the scene is downright dangerous. Often, people who struggle with self-harm can be triggered by images of self-harm and blood. Seeing this onscreen may make them want to hurt themselves. Self-harm is a way to deal with overwhelming feelings, and seeing Hannah's suicide depicted so realistically can certainly cause overwhelming feelings.
The show's creators have argued that it was necessary to show Hannah's suicide in graphic detail because suicide is a taboo subject and it should be part of the public conversation so we can work to prevent it. Perhaps this is true, but the scene is still gratuitous and definitely should be skipped by anyone who has struggled with or is struggling with self-harm.
“13 Reasons Why” has accomplished its intended goal of making suicide and the dangers of cyberbullying part of the public conversation. Whether or not the difficult scenes needed to be as difficult as they were is up for debate. Personally, I think it's a very well done show that is extremely hard to watch.
I was particularly triggered by the content as I am a survivor of assault and a former self-harmer. The show is a little too real for comfort. I'm glad I watched it, but I wish I'd been more prepared for the content. I hope this helps you be a little more prepared, if you make the decision to watch the show at all. If you're a survivor or struggle with self-harm, you may want to pass on this one.