The Socially Awkward Person's Guide To Flirting
Are you having a hard time breaking out of your shell and flirting with someone? Use this guide to stop feeling awkward and start flirting instead!
In today's society, both awkwardness and being single seem to be afflictions. So, if you are both awkward and single, you probably feel like you are doomed to be forever alone.
After all, it you're even remotely socially awkward, approaching a person you have a crush on and flirting is most likely far from being one of your strengths. Some people are gifted flirters and smooth talkers, and can get any guy or girl they like to talk to them.
But it doesn't seem fair that just because you're a little nervous and are incapable of delivering an awe inspiring pick up line, that you shouldn't be able to have a chance with your crush or the person of your dreams.
10 flirting tips for socially awkward people
The truth is, you are not the only one. So, do not be disheartened. In fact, we are all slightly awkward! Some people are just better at hiding it than others! With that in mind, here are 10 tips that will boost your flirting success by working to your strengths. If you follow them, I guarantee you'll have a much better chance of getting up close and personal with your crush.
#1 Use your personal style and appearance. When you have a tendency to be a little awkward, you often feel as if you lack control over social situations and even over your own mind, especially when it comes to interacting with someone you like!
At the time, you are stumped as to what to say or how to act, and you hate yourself for it afterwards. Therefore, it is important to take as much control over any factors that you can work on before the chance for an interaction even arises.
Your personal style and overall appearance are assets that you have more control over than you think, and you can use them to aid you in your flirting endeavors. You've heard the term “peacocking”, right? It's time to stand out from the crowd! Use your clothes to show off your personality. Perhaps even wear a piece of clothing that has the potential to be a conversation starter, such as a t-shirt of a band or a movie that you like. If you dress to display your personality, you are likely to attract others of a similar frame of mind. Let your clothes do the talking before you even attempt flirting.
#2 Counteract your awkwardness by choosing a more aggressive approach. One of the key elements of flirting is confidence, which just so happens to be a major issue for most socially awkward people. There is a quick and brave approach that cuts out the weeks of torment, looking over your crush's Facebook page wondering if they feel the same way. Take a deep breath, muster as much courage as you possibly can, then approach your crush and simply tell them how you feel!
The key is to be direct, upfront and confident before the shy and awkward side of your brain catches on to what the hell is going on. You don't need to start a conversation, all you need to do is smile and say hello as you walk past them. That's all you need to do to break the ice. Over the next few times you bump into this person, you can take it one step at a time.
On the other hand, if you want to speak with someone you may possibly never see again *or someone you don't see very often*, all it takes is a simple “you don't have to do anything about it, but… I like you”. Then leave it at that and walk away. You've told them how you feel and now the ball is in their court. What's more, you've probably not only flattered them, but impressed them with your unexpected outburst of confidence. And, if that doesn't go so well, take a sneaky look ahead at #9.
#3 Don't talk about yourself. It can, sometimes, be tempting to blab constantly about yourself when you're talking to your crush, simply because you don't know what else to say, and in fear of an awkward silence.
Try not to monopolize the conversation with a constant stream of facts about yourself. Instead, ask simple and honest questions about the other person. There is no harm in planning out a few questions in your head before an interaction arises. What would you like to know about them? What do you think they would like to be asked about?
If all else fails, you could try this little flirting tip *you might be familiar with it if you have watched The 40 Year Old Virgin* - turn any question they ask you into a question. For example, if they were to ask you “do you like coffee?” you might reply “do YOU like coffee?” You'll be flirting without even knowing it.
#4 Go out and about! If you're socially awkward, you might tend to be introverted and avoid making any kind of social plans. This is unlikely to be working in your favor. Don't hide away! Perhaps, you happen to know that your crush likes to hang out at a certain bar or pub? Simply go there and have fun. No flirting involved. Remember, people are attracted to positive and fun people who like to have a good time! Be sure to take friends with you who you know will encourage that mentality.
When it comes to dating, you often find that things happen when you don't even try or when you don't set any expectations. Plus, by hanging out in your crush's social haunts, you are likely to make them more aware of you without you even having to approach them. They might not have noticed you before simply because you are inclined to hide away and avoid social situations.
#5 Use your awkwardness to your advantage. Stop telling yourself that your awkwardness is a bad thing, and turn it into an asset! Some people actually find awkwardness and shyness charming and attractive. So, play off on the hope that this might be the case with your crush!
There are several techniques that any awkward or shy person shouldn't find challenging. Firstly, be coy and a little bashful. Try making eye contact with your love interest, hold it for a second, and then shyly look away. Perhaps you could awkwardly play with your hair whilst you talk with them?
If you happen to act a little more ungainly than you would like, laugh at your own awkwardness rather than being embarrassed by it. They are likely to find it endearing. And, if they don't, they probably aren't for you!
#6 Get physical! You might have a tendency to stare at the ground, retract into yourself, and avoid touching anything and anyone as if they are covered in germs, but it's not going to help you in the flirting department. Tactile touching and physical contact is a key element of flirting.
Because it doesn't come to you naturally, you have to practice, be brave, and make a conscious effort to loosen up and get a little physical. Perhaps start with eye contact, if it feels more comfortable. Practice holding their gaze occasionally for about a second longer than you usually would. Then, move on to accidentally-on-purpose brushing your hand with theirs as you walk. If you gain confidence, try gently touching their arm or hand whilst you talk.
#7 Observe and build on common experience. If you struggle to find the right thing to say, one of the best techniques is to observe and comment on your surroundings. What's more, it is a great way to get closer with a person you like because you can build on things that you experience together, however small or insignificant you might believe the experience to be.
Perhaps you frequent the same coffee shop or attend the same lecture at university? Observe and mention funny little things about the experiences that you share which might then open a conversation, such as “have you noticed that their coffee is better on a Tuesday?” or “did you notice so-and-so fall asleep during that lecture?”
You might even consider lightly teasing your crush about something you have noticed about them. People often rate a sense of humor as one of the top personality traits that they look for in a partner. Therefore, using light and playful jokes within your conversations could well be one of the most successful methods of flirting, and it doesn't involve any hard-to-pull-off pick up lines.
#8 Take a step back. If you use these tips, chances are, things are going well with your crush and all these tips are beginning to pay off. But this is not the time to get insecure or to appear too keen. Just because you've come this far does not mean it is time to stop playing it cool. Don't let your emotions take complete control of the situation. You don't need constant affirmation that things are going well for you, just believe it!
Take a step back, and give them time to wonder about you. I'm not usually a fan of “playing games” but there's no harm in letting them stew a little! As someone once said, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Just cool off slightly, but not to the point that you begin to ignore them in the street! Remember, play it cool not COLD. It might be as simple as waiting an extra 15-20 minutes before you text them back. I guarantee that you will not only feel more in control, but you'll also appear even more desirable to your love interest.
#9 Wear rejection like a badge of honor. Rejection is an awkward person's worst nightmare. Your usual reaction to rejection might be to quit, give up on dating completely and become a crazy cat lady. But, that's not the attitude!
Wear rejection as a badge of honor! After all, you tried and you made a good go of it. So, it didn't go your way? It's not the end of the world and they probably weren't worth it anyway. What can you learn from the rejection? What could you do better next time? Learn from your mistakes, and remember that practice makes perfect!
#10 Don't flirt at all. Why not take the pressure off yourself and don't flirt at all! It is possible, after all, to be friends first! Aim to get to know your crush without forcing any kind of romance until the time is right. The chances are that if you get to know the person, you'll feel more comfortable telling them how you feel eventually, and you are more likely to pick up on how they feel about you simply by being around them.
Next time you try and hold yourself back from flirting with the one you fancy for fear of coming across as awkward, remember these ten tips and attack the situation with positivity and confidence!
It is important to remember that no matter how socially awkward you are, people love to be flirted with! Not only are you boosting their self-esteem, they'll probably admire you for trying. So what are you waiting for?
