15 Fictional Men Who Would Make The WORST Boyfriends

Male leads are often created to ignite a sense of desire in us. Most of the time, they're unrealistically handsome and sweet with just the right amount of attitude. In other words, they set totally unrealistic standards for us which real men will never be able to live up to. But there are a few fictional men who would actually be insufferable IRL, and whom we're glad are purely fictional! The scary thing is, a lot of these men are supposed to be dreamy. We're supposed to want them, but once we put our thinking caps on, it becomes clear that they would cause way too many problems in the real world. Of course, some of them are supposed to be villain-ish sort of men, but some women still lust over them. Not us though! In our humble opinion, here are 15 guys who would make the absolute WORST boyfriends.

15 Ryan Atwood

Ryan Atwood is supposed to be the lead teenage character in The O.C., and he does have a lot of qualities which are admirable. He has a good heart and good intentions, he's wildly protective of the women in his life, and he's overcome a lot of crappy situations without ending up a total mess. He also looks like a young Russell Crowe. Yet somehow, we're convinced he would make a terrible boyfriend! First of all, he has zero control over his temper, and his first response in an argument is to yell at the person he disagrees with. Ugh, could you imagine the freaking migraine you'd have at the end of every fight? His protectiveness comes from a good place, but just goes too far. He has to jump in to be the hero for all of the women he knows, leaving no time for anything else. Give us Seth Cohen any day!

14 Captain Jack Sparrow

When watching Pirates of the Caribbean, most women fantasize over Captain Jack Sparrow rather than William Turner. If we're just talking about looks, then sure, Captain Jack certainly has an allure about him. He weirdly manages to make ratty hair and dirty skin look good. But as far as personality goes, he would be the worst boyfriend! We know that honesty isn't his thing, so you'd never trust a thing he says and would never get a good night's sleep because you'd be constantly worried about what he's doing. He's also pretty reckless, so you couldn't be sure that he hasn't gone off to antagonize enemies he has no hope of defeating. He's also extremely selfish, so he'd never remember your birthday or anything about your life, and he doesn't do monogamy, so you'd have to be okay with being in an open relationship or being cheated on. We're pretty sure he smells as well.

13 Mr. Big

Out of all of Carrie's dates on Sex and the City, Big is supposed to be the one with whom nobody else can compete. He's capable of driving Carrie crazy for him and is portrayed as the ultimate man we should all aspire to. LOL. The guy has issues when it comes to commitment, so even though he's pretty smooth when you're talking to him, you'd probably spend your whole life trying to be a part of his. Isn't that what SATC is? Carrie trying to fit into Big's life, with the series only ending when he finally wants her back? We'd be totally reluctant to get serious with a guy who's a cheater, and since Big was willing to hurt Natasha, who says he's not willing to do that to the next love of his life? Big is basically just a whole lot of effort, for nothing much in return.

12 Austin Powers

It's clear that Austin Powers isn't classically handsome, but that isn't why he'd make a terrible partner. We're totally open to a huge sense of humor over a huge pack of abs, but Austin takes the joke thing way too far. If he were your boyfriend, there would never be a serious moment, and it would get old really quickly. He's also a bit of a maniac when it comes to intimacy, and he'd always be trying to get some; when you're working, when you're tired, when you're just returning from your uncle's funeral. You'd pretty much have to fend him off with a bat! He also seems to have a problem with monogamy, and even if you manage to settle him down, you'll know that deep down he isn't happy because he isn't being himself. You'd feel eternally guilty for forcing him into a lifestyle he wasn't made for, and it just wouldn't work!

11 Ross Geller

Out of the three male leads on Friends, we actually feel that Ross Geller makes the worst boyfriend material. And Joey Tribbiani is included in that equation, by the way! He's obsessive and jealous over Rachel (remember when she tried being friends with Mark?) but doesn't even wait 24 hours after they're officially on a break to sleep with somebody else. As your partner, Ross would always have this air of superiority over you because he has a PhD in palaeontology (which he thinks is akin to having cured cancer), and would also keep secrets from you. You might have drunkenly married him in Vegas, but you can't trust him to get an annulment, because he thinks it's okay to stay married to somebody secretly. He'll also whine when he doesn't get his way, and won't be the best dad to your children seeing as he basically forgot about his own son!

10 The Disney Princes

Controversial opinion: the Disney Princes would suck IRL. Everybody always talks about how the old-school Princesses are paper thin with no complexities or personalities, but what about the Princes? Cinderella's Prince Charming and Snow White's Prince (who doesn't have enough of a personality to actually warrant a name) would literally just sit there and smile merrily all day long. Aurora's Prince Phillip might defeat a few evil witches or dragons, but what would you talk about with him all day long? You might be able to sing a nice duet with him as you stroll through the woods, but that's about as far as the interaction goes. That, and waltzing in the clouds. Ariel's Prince Eric is a little better, since his dog Max would serve as a common interest. Disney fleshed out the Princes as time went on, so Aladdin and even Prince Naveen would be more stimulating than their earlier counterparts!

9 Draco Malfoy

Draco Malfoy is a villain and bully for most of the Harry Potter story, although he manages to straighten out at the end. But even if he finally works out which side of the good vs evil war he wants to be on, that doesn't solve all his remaining issues. The whiny, tantrum-throwing personality is just too much for us. Every time you disagreed with him on something, he'd stomp his foot and tell you that his father would hear about it. He's also so the type to not be able to deal with your success as a woman, so there are only a few endings for that scenario. You could end up lying to him about how successful you are because you don't want to hurt his precious ego, or you might even start actually failing on purpose. Being proud of your achievements would lead to a fight every time and eventually drive you insane.

8 Derek Zoolander

Being with somebody who's ridiculously good looking might sound great in theory, but Derek Zoolander still wouldn't make a great boyfriend. Have you thought about what would actually be involved in having a career that is based upon how good you look? Derek would never be able to chill and have pizza with you, he'd have more skin products in the bathroom than you do and there would be no counter space, and he'd see the inside of a gym more than he sees you. We have a sneaky suspicion that he'd also be one to constantly pick at you for not being perfect, because if he demands that of himself he'd probably demand it of others. And Derek isn't the smartest character we've ever seen, so keep in mind that you'd have to explain basic things to him all the time, and none of your family or friends would be impressed.

7 Kelly Robinson

Kelly Robinson is the champion boxer from I Spy, who is tasked with going undercover to infiltrate a gang of European baddies. Being with a champion athlete sounds like something that could be pretty amazing, but not if they're anything like Kelly. All the success has totally gone to his head and he believes that he's the best thing to ever walk the planet, which would obviously be a deal-breaker in a relationship. He'd always be making you feel inferior, and he wouldn't really value anything because he feels like he can just replace it, since he gets what he wants all the time. If he really pushed your buttons and you threatened to leave, he wouldn't even care because he'd be under the impression that he can make like Beyoncé and replace you in a minute. His constant carrying on and muttering, “I'm Kelly Robinson, baby!” would eventually drive you cray-cray.

6 Marty McFly

Bless Marty McFly! We do like him as a character, but we also know that we'd never date him IRL. In Back to the Future, Marty does care about his girlfriend, Jennifer, but he doesn't really do a great job of protecting her from danger. She basically spends the entire time unconscious and he just leaves her lying around on porches. Obviously the time machine and his activities with the Doc are totally secret, but Marty's lies just make us feel like we can't trust him. He'd always be sneaking off, and you wouldn't be able to trust him. The other thing that would make Marty a terrible boyfriend is his complete lack of control when somebody calls him “chicken”. He does eventually get over his complex by the end of the third movie, but who's to say it won't bother him again in the future? He's really just too much of a loose cannon.

5 Curtis Taylor, Jr.

Curtis is the villain in Dreamgirls, but he's also a bit of a dreamboat to some. Not us though! Even before his true motives of exploiting Deena and profiting from her career are exposed and he seems like a dream come true (okay, we're going to stop using phrases with 'dream' in them now), we can see right through his crap. Curtis is one of those people who promises everything but never delivers: “I'm going to give you a new sound,” and “I'm going to make this happen.” You honestly get to a point where you feel like saying, “Just shut up, Curtis.” He's full of it! As a partner, he'd be a sneaky liar who is happy to have you work like a dog so he can make some money. He's also turn his back on all his friends in two seconds if it meant gaining something else, and he'd be super-controlling and borderline abusive.

4 Danny Zuko

Generations of fans might have lusted after Grease's Danny Zuko, but it will take more than those crystal-blue eyes to convince us! We should really cut him some slack because he's still in high school, but Danny is immature. He values the opinions of his friends to the point where he'd make fun of you to make them laugh, and also gets involved in stupid things like drag racing. Though he might seem like a cool guy, we're sure that Danny is seriously insecure. Why else would he totally try and change himself to get Sandy's attention (after acting like a douche to her in front of his friends)? It's cute that he cares so much, but watching him plough through those sports was painful. Also, he's extremely high maintenance and to be honest, we couldn't handle him combing his hair every two minutes. There would be little black hairs everywhere!

3 Edward Cullen

Edward Cullen is such a desirable character that a book about falling in love with him became an international best-seller. In the Twilight world where vampires and werewolves roam free, Edward is probably a perfect boyfriend. But in our world, not so much! Edward loves Bella unconditionally, but it actually becomes a bit of an obsession and would make us totally uncomfortable. If you tripped over on the way to the shop, he'd turn up suddenly and grind his teeth with a mad glare in his eyes and say “I should have been there to protect you.” Other people might think that a guy watching you sleep because he adores you is romantic, but we'd be majorly concerned if a boyfriend wanted to watch us sleep. Seriously, there's hair in top knots and drooling and nothing remotely exciting about it. You could also never comfortably be around Edward during that time of the month.

2 Borat

Borat's intentions are good, but unfortunately, he was brought up too differently from what we know for it to ever work. His respect for women is so minimal that we'd never seriously be able to even consider him as a potential boyfriend! He'd be the type that wouldn't be okay with you working, and would expect you to stay home and cook and clean for him instead. He'd also probably force you to have ten children against your will, and would make you knead bread dough ten minutes after giving birth. Your opinion would never be asked for and accepted, and all his friends would probably be the same. He's also totally stubborn so you could never get him to see the error in his ways, or help him to change for the better. He'd just be impossible to be with, and would have you swearing off all men in no time.

1 Aldous Snow

Aldous Snow is our top contender for worst boyfriend ever! We first met him in Forgetting Sarah Marshall where he was dating Sarah as Peter was trying to get over her. What don't we like about Aldous? Firstly, his morals aren't great since he was dating Sarah while she was still with Peter. Technically, he isn't the one who cheated and Sarah should feel worse, but still, he knew he was a part of something that would break Peter's heart, and didn't care. He also doesn't really believe in monogamy, so he won't think it's a big deal when you call him out for sleeping with the housekeeper. As his girlfriend, you'd have to deal with all of his groupies hanging around, and with him jetting off on a world tour at a moment's notice. He eventually returns to being an alcoholic, so there'd be that for you to deal with too. No thanks!