15 Reasons Why You Couldn't Handle Having Kim K's Behind
Kim Kardashian has a big butt. Like a really big behind. We all know this, but seriously, we have to think about the fact that she's a pretty small person; Kim is only 5'3 and she has said that she currently weighs 123.8 pounds. Many would say that a backside that large on such a small woman is fake, and if that's true, then living with such an ample peach is a choice that she has made. But either way, it's a unique way to live, that's for sure. Apparently Kim hires a tailor for $5,000 a day to make her clothes fit her well, which is not something that would work for the average person. Her behind is always on display no matter what she is wearing, and it's a topic of conversation that just never seems to end. It's a real statement piece if you will. This might work for Kim's life since, of course, she's created her career (and kept it alive) by how visible and attractive she is 24/7. But then again, that's not how the average person tends to live. Here are 15 reasons why you couldn't handle having Kim K's behind.
15 The Endless Attention That It Draws
Sure, we all like to be admired some of the time, but then we also have those moments where a guy checking us out makes us want to hit him in the face and then pull our hood over our faces and run away. But if you have a backside that massive and round in comparison to the tiny body that Kim is working with, people are going to be looking at it all the time. For some people losing weight means that they lose weight pretty uniformly all over the body, but for people with large booties that is not the case. With a behind that won't quit you might just lose weight everywhere on your body besides there, so there's only so much you can do about changing your size. Of course, it also seems to be the first place that you can gain some weight, so eat one too many donuts and suddenly you swear you can see it right on your left cheek that's somehow trying to escape out of the top of your pants or something. And other people notice it, too.
14 The Constant Doubts
We can't say for certain what is happening with Kim's behind, but it's a pretty common consensus that it's not, um, natural. Sure, sure, she provided us with an X-ray at one point to demonstrate the fact that she doesn't have any implants, but that doesn't have anything to do with the Brazilian lift procedure where they suck fat out of your waist and inner thighs and then throw it into your newly sculpted booty. That's how it works. Seriously. Just look it up. Those before and after examples in a Google search are pretty insane. Whether or not that's the route that Kim took, again we can't say for sure, but the fact that we're even talking about it means that lots of other people are too. You would not want to be spending your days fielding questions from people about whether your prized body part was real or fake and why, regardless of whether it was real or fake. So much dialogue to be had about a booty.
13 Finding Pants That Fit
If you have an enormously round bum and a tiny waist, it's incredibly hard to find pants that fit. That's even more so the case if you have small thighs. Pants just aren't built that way unless they have a lot of stretch involved. But jeans? Forget about it. Unless you're getting things fit to your body, custom made, or altered beyond belief, of course. All of those options cost a decent amount of money, which means that jean shopping with Kim's behind could end up costing you a lot more than jeans shopping for the average backside. That would be super annoying unless you had gobs of money to do away with, which many of us don't. You're sort of stuck going with denim that has some stretch which is fine, but it means always wearing super pants tight. A behind like Kim's is not exactly working well with like some boyfriend jeans hanging off the hips or something unless they're very specially made pants, that more relaxed fit style is generally reserved for people with smaller backside proportions.
12 You Would Bump Into Things
I don't know about you, but I can be clumsy enough bumping into walls and stuff without having a Kim K behind, so I could imagine that with one I might bump into some things. If you've ever knocked a glass off a table or the side couch arm with any part of your body, you can pretty much double the odds that's going to happen with your backside as well. You can just count on it, and everytime that it does you would feel the need to text someone and let them know what your behind has done this time. It's almost like a separate entity in that sense, you can literally say "Guess what my behind just did???" when it's a big one. That's not exactly the way we talk about our arms which we generally feel like we have some control over. Big peaches, on the other hand, we don't necessarily. Those can have a whole mind of their own and require some space of their own whether you can provide it for them or not. Good luck living in a studio apartment.
11 Having To Wear Form Fitting Clothes All The Time
If you have a big behind (or big chest for that matter), wearing baggy clothing can cause some issues with fit and proportions. Basically, when you're curvy and you don't wear super form fitting clothes, then you're going to seem much bigger. There needs to be a contrast between the backside and the waist and the behind and the thighs to make it look like curves at all. For that reason, Kim has has to wear something form fitting pretty much all the time, especially when she is going to get photographed which let's be honest is all the time. Some days we just don't feel like wearing something form fitting and would prefer not to be showcasing the midsection. You know like when we're pmsing and bloated or just when we ate a lot, or whatever. We're not always in the mood to wear the same bodycon situation day in and day out, but when you commit to dressing a peach like Kim's, you sort of have to.
10 You Can't Squeeze Between Tables
People without big behinds don't think twice about trying to squeeze between tables at a restaurant or past people in the movie theater or anything else. But when you have a huge bottom, you have to be mindful of things like that so that you don't like hit people with it. Seriously. This is especially awkward when people are sitting down and eye level with your peach because they'll be all up in it as you try to squeeze by. It's not that you're trying to be in the way, but you can't do anything about it. At the movie theater trying to walk by people who are already seated without sitting on them by accident is hard enough as a slim person with no backside, so add a lady lump and it's like downright dangerous. You could knock a popcorn right out of someone's lap. What's the protocol for a situation like that, do you offer to buy them another one or is is it like so awkward and clearly accidental that you get to just be on your way without a backwards glance? Does the protocol change if it's an alcoholic beverage that you manage to knock out of their hand?
9 Dresses Would Be Super Short
Just like you struggle to find jeans that fit your body with a huge behind, you're going to struggle to find shorter dresses, too. It sounds easy enough to just find something extra long that fits on top and then it should fit the bottom. But no. Because if it's a cute length in the front it can end up being obscenely short in the back. This is another reason why you have to return to very form fitting clothing. If a dress is too flouncy it'll just flounce right up over your behind which is usually not the look you're going for. Long dresses are generally fine since you don't have to worry about the part where it has to cover your peach, but then you're sort of limited into that realm and have a tricky time unless you're getting things altered. You don't even need to keep up with certain trendy things that are happening out there since a lot of it is not for that behind. You would find what works and then buy it in five different colors.
8 You Look Hot By Accident
With a very curvy backside you can end up looking pretty hot, and sometimes that's just not necessary or intentional. Being accidentally hot is not something that everyone has to deal with, and of course what is considered hot varies from person to person, but most people can agree that an ample peach is pretty alluring. It's like biology. But sometimes you're not trying to be sexy because you want people to focus on some other things, like maybe what's coming out of your mouth while you're at work. With cleavage at least you can cover it up when you're trying to look professional, but there's no good way to downplay your behind even if you're a teacher and really don't need to be putting it on display in the classroom. You'd think that if anyone has backside confidence it would be Kim, but she too has her off days. After a pregnancy, she said to People, "I love curves, but I don't love my butt and my hips being so big. I totally have insecurities."
7 You Would Spill Over Chairs
Not all chairs are made to fit big behinds comfortably, which you might not ever consider if you don't have to deal with it. Chairs are only made so wide, so sometimes with a very large backside would literally spill over the sides which doesn't make sitting in those types of chair super comfortable for that long. Think a lot of adjusting to remove some of the pressure that forms from the edge of the chair digging into you. You can't really share chairs, which isn't necessarily a negative thing, but forget about sharing the backseat of a small car with some other ample booties, you guys would be competing for space. Like imagine Kim, Khloe, and Kylie side by side in the back of a small car for some reason, it would be a pretty cozy ride. Plus, it's technically possible to get stuck in some kinds of chairs. Think that outdoor plastic furniture in particular. They're made from a single mold because they're cheap so there isn't like a lot of freedom in their design.
6 Sleep Must Be Uncomfortable
Having a behind like Kim's on a small frame like hers seems like it would be an interesting challenge when it comes to getting a good night's sleep and even getting comfortable when you're lying down in bed. Sitting up might be good since there's some extra cushion involved, but when you lay down flat on your back, then you have to deal with the mound of junk in your trunk which can lead to the need for some more complicated positions to get comfortable. Imagine how it feels to lay on your chest if you have big ones, or imagine it if you don't. There's just another element to consider compared to not having an ample peach. In fact, it can actually lead to some back pain if you end up sleeping in positions that don't properly provide the support that your back needs at night. Yup, it's a whole lot more annoying.
5 Your Pants Would Split
Even if you're getting your clothes tailored to your body, you still might split the back of your pants every once in awhile. If it happens to Kim, well, then it could happen to literally anyone. There's just literally more pressure back there to keep things in than there is with a smaller behind, and not all clothing is constructed in the best way possible to make room for the bigger rears. This is especially true upon bending over and adding some extra pressure to the mix. If you've ever split your pants in public you know that it isn't the most thrilling thing, even if you have a great sense of humor about it. When it happens you're like now partway naked and you have to figure out how to not be, which either means tying something around your waist or running home to change. Even when you aren't actually splitting your pants, it's likely that the added bundle in your pants is going to lead to plumber look slipping out from time to time… like every time you sit down.
4 Your Friends Would Talk About It A Lot
With a behind like Kim K's people are going to talk about it, and yeah, that definitely includes your friends. Like being exceptionally tall or something, it just isn't a quality that people have an easy time getting over. Every time you see your best friend she would be like "omg your peach is just so big." As if it grew from the last time you saw her. Okay sometimes it would but other times not at all. When you have a big rear people are also likely to assume that you know how to twerk it even though those things are not necessarily mutually exclusive at all. It has plenty to with the back and the legs and rhythm, everything. Once you get going maybe then it has some extra oomph, but whatever. The point is you would always have to explain this stance. Even Kim gets tired of talking about her behind sometimes. Back in 2012 she said, "I don't get the fact, like, why it's talked about. I don't get it. Sometimes I get bored of talking about it… most women have one."
3 You Can't Wear Leggings
Finding leggings to work out in (or lounge in) can be a little more of a struggle for big behinds than for small ones, since big rears tend to stretch that material right out, rendering it completely see through. Sigh. We're talking see through just while you're standing there, not even just see through when you bend although that is likely to happen as well. You have to be careful when you're choosing underwear to wear underneath or choosing to go without because people are more likely to see it than if you had a smaller peach. Sometimes you might feel like whatever who cares but other times you're really not comfortable with giving everyone in yoga class a show. You could always go up a size, but then they're going to be baggy and still sort of see through. Generally, you end up having to spend more money to get the heavy duty leggings that don't show through as much, whether you need them for other reasons or not.
2 Shorts Are Basically A No Go
Short shorts are just not really happening with Kim's behind unless you get them custom fit. If you tried to put on an average pair of short shorts off the rack with a rear the size of Kim's, it would literally look like some cheeky underwear if you could even get them closed. No, slightly longer shorts are going to be the way to go in that circumstance. You might notice that Kim goes for longer shorts quite frequently, and that is not just a style choice, it's because she probably doesn't have to worry about spilling out the bottom of them or looking overtly sexy. And this is a woman who posts nude selfies on the regular, so if she doesn't want to spill out all day, neither does the average person. But this can also be really annoying since shorts are cooler than pants in hot weather, and it seems dramatic to be limited in your clothing choices based on a body part. But then again we all have our different bodies and tend to dress differently to fit them all the time, so that's just sort of how it works.
1 It's Weird To Lean
With a backside like Kim, you have to be mindful about where you put it when you're leaning up against things. Try to casually lean up against a pole, for example, and you might slide it right between your cheeks. That's a pretty stable pose, but also somewhat obscene. Even if you lean up against a flat surface like a wall, you still might create an interesting sight since your behind can go out to the side as you press against it. It's like a malleable substance. But balancing things on your backside, however, now that sort of works. When Kim posed for the cover of Paper magazine, in her spread she had a photo with a champagne glass on her rear, and she tweeted that to poke fun at herself: "And they say I didn't have a talent… try balancing a champagne glass on your a** LOL." That's a pretty good point. It's not for everyone. Kim's greatest talent might be that she has figured out how to live with a really big behind and make it look easy and fun. But still, you just couldn't handle it.